giving in and looking up

the past two or so months have been the lowest times for me, the worst they have been for a long time. things were dreamy and beautiful when i initially moved away for college, but soon it got cold out and the loneliness started creeping in. i used to hardly ever want to go home or ask my parents for help as i felt like i needed to struggle on my own and figure out things for myself to be independent. things soon changed when winter came and i was consumed by my job and school and spent every night alone in my bedroom for over a month with close to no human connection, other than the cashier at goodwill or the worker at the movie theater when i decided to go alone… my friendships at school withered and waking up in the morning was the most dreadful part of the day knowing i had to spend yet another 24 hours alone. i was constantly stressed and felt so lost not knowing how i let myself get to such a bad mental place. christmas and winter break were coming so i finally decided to put my pride aside and do what was best for my mental health: i quit my job and agreed to come home for the holidays and stay for all of january, the first time staying at my parent’s house for more than just a day or two. i spent days hanging out with my mom, reading books, seeing all my old best friends, camping, watching sunsets in malibu and selling clothes to make up for the lack of a job. i was reminded of the things I needed to focus on in my life and that it’s okay to rely on your loved ones and family for comfort. i’ve never been so relieved to take a mental break and felt surrounded by love and support again. here is a roll of expired 35mm film from 2006 that i found under my sister’s bed and shot over the length of my winter break at home.


IMG_5268.jpg
IMG_5272.jpg
IMG_5281.jpg
IMG_5285.jpg
IMG_5287.jpg
IMG_5290.jpg
IMG_5267.jpg
IMG_5291.jpg
IMG_5277.jpg
IMG_5302.jpg
IMG_5293.jpg

with much love,

kira <3

@disposable.diary @kkiiramarie